


Hakanaku chiru hana wa burning love (A burning love, ephemeral like a falling flower)

by vogue91



Category: Hey! Say! JUMP, Johnny's Entertainment
Genre: Angst, Cheating, Clinging, Flashbacks, Introspection, M/M, Smoking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-07
Updated: 2018-08-07
Packaged: 2019-06-23 07:10:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,332
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15601020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vogue91/pseuds/vogue91
Summary: When had it happened?When had he lost him, when had he lost the ability to make him happy?





	Hakanaku chiru hana wa burning love (A burning love, ephemeral like a falling flower)

Yuya lit up a cigarette.

He breathed in deeply, he kept the smoke in his throat, letting it burn.

Then he did the same thing again, and again, and again.

The cigarette was consumed in a couple of minutes, and he lit another one up.

That wasn’t his night, most definitely.

Yuri had gotten back home less than an hour before, and he had rushed to change his clothes and get to bed, claiming he was tired.

Yuya had smiled to him and had wished him goodnight, as if everything was fine.

The bedroom’s door was closed, but Takaki almost felt like he could hear him breath.

When had it happened?

When had he lost him, when had he lost the ability to make him happy?

He took another hit off the cigarette, deeper, almost getting sick.

But he didn’t care about anything, he didn’t care about physical discomfort.

He wanted to hurt himself a little, hoping that the pain and the nausea would've distracted his mind from thoughts he was desperately trying to erase.

He thought about a little less than two years before, when he and Yuri had gotten together.

He thought about the look of pure happiness on the younger’s face when Yuya had held him and kissed him, when he had told him he loved him.

He thought about the first night they had spent together in his bed, how he had had a hard time sleeping because the younger snored, how little he had cared about it, because the only thing that mattered was to have him there, to feel the warmth of his skin next to his own, to breathe in his scent.

When they had moved in together they both had compromised to match their completely opposite lifestyles, until they had both been satisfied with the balance they had found.

Yuya had always thought that was happiness. He had thought things would've been unchanged in time, and that him and Yuri would've been in love forever.

 _Happily ever after_ he thought, sarcastic, feeling more and more stupid for having once thought about such a cliché, and that him and Yuri had an ending already written for them.

He had been torn from his dreams too soon, he didn’t want to face this reality. But he knew that, somehow, he was going to have to.

 

_Yuri moaned._

_Loud, but as if trying to control himself._

_Yuya had always liked Yuri’s moans, he had always liked his breath heavy, his husky voice which always seemed on the verge of breaking._

_When he had heard that, it had been as if his heart had stopped._

_Because he wasn’t moaning for him, he wasn’t screaming for his touch, for his mouth._

_Yuya had told him he was busy that afternoon, but he had been done sooner than expected, and had decided to go get him at the studios, where he was shooting with the 7._

_That surprise had had a hell of a payback._

_He had met Yuto and Keito downstairs, he had seen the doubt on the younger’s face, but he hadn't minded it._

_He had just reached the dressing room door, and then he had heard that, he had heard Yuri’s voice, almost covered by Yamada’s._

_He had opened the door a little, and he had seen them._

_Yuri’s head was rolled back against the wall, his arms around Ryosuke’s shoulders, his legs around his hips._

_And he screamed, god he screamed._

_Yuya wished he could've done something._

_He wanted to go in, yell at him, tell him it was over. And ask him why it had come to this._

_But for the surprise or perhaps because of cowardice, he did absolutely nothing._

_He kept watching, the time necessary for Yuri,_ his own _Yuri, to climax, and then he left._

_He wanted to cry but, at least until he got back home, he managed to avoid that._

Yuya was smoking.

He was smoking, and there was nothing else he wanted to do, he didn’t want to stop, because he should've gotten to bed by now, and he didn’t want to.

It had been over a week, and it had been hell for him.

Now he saw Yuri’s lies, he saw that guilty look and he wondered how long it had been there, and he had been just too blind to notice.

He wondered for how long it had been going on and what had led the younger to that betrayal, if it was for Yamada himself or for some sort of despise toward Yuya.

And it was the latter hypothesis which scared Takaki the most, it was the thought of being the problem, of having said or done the wrong thing, of being unable to love him like he had deserved before all this.

He hated himself for this fear; he hated himself, because he was not the one he should've been mad at, because Yuri was the one coming back home with the marks of another man on his skin, Yuri was the one who was cheating on him, it was Yuri who was blissfully sleeping their bedroom, whilst Yuya couldn’t bring himself to do just that.

Still, he couldn’t help it. The more he thought about it, the more he wondered what he had done wrong.

And that was why he hadn't talked about it with Yuri; he was afraid of hearing it was his fault, that he didn’t feel anything for Yamada, that he was doing it out of hatred, because their relationship meant nothing and nothing meant the years he had spent looking for something more than friendship.

Because Yuri had fought, and if something had led him to cave  now, Yuya wasn’t sure he wanted to know the reason why.

Finally, he decided to go to bed.

He put out the last of a long series of cigarettes, then he dragged himself to the other room.

He laid down on the bed slowly, and soon realized how unnecessary a precaution it was.

Yuri wasn’t sleeping.

“You’ve come to bed, finally.” he murmured, a tone the elder couldn’t really interpret.

“I'm not particularly sleepy. But... I have to get up early tomorrow morning, so I better try and get some rest.” he said, turning his back on him.

The other didn’t reply, but from the slight shift of the mattress Yuya thought he nodded.

They kept still for a while, quiet, then he turned around and got closer to Yuri, bringing his arms around his shoulders, holding him tight.

He felt like crying, again, and again he didn’t.

Yuri didn’t ask and let Takaki hug him without struggling, without looking bothered by that sudden and apparently unjustified gesture.

“I'm sorry, Yuri. I'm sorry about everything. I don’t want...” he sighed, biting down on his tongue. “I don’t want to let you go.” he said in the end, making the younger smile.

“I can't really sleep like this, Yuu.” he said, practical.

Takaki smiled back, loosening the hold and looking into his eyes, brushing his fingers over his face.

“Yes. Forgive me. It was instinctive.” he sighed. “Just... give me your hand, alright?” he intertwined their fingers together, brushing the younger’s, settling for that touch as if it made him feel better. “Please, Yuri. Don’t let go.” he murmured then, almost as if he didn’t want him to hear.

Chinen sighed, and hesitated.

They both knew what was going on, they both knew how their relationship was hanging on the verge of the abyss, and the younger now couldn’t expect Yuya to still be oblivious to what was going on.

But him, too, didn’t say anything.

They didn’t want to talk, not now, and Yuya felt grateful about it.

He didn’t want to hear how bad it was, he didn’t want to hear it wasn’t worth fighting, he didn’t want to hear it was over.

He just wanted to be in that bed, awake if it was necessary, feeling Yuri’s hand touching his own.


End file.
